Chapter 1: The Weight of Driving

The act of driving often feels like a relentless race against time and the expectations of others. But why is that?

"My anxiety peaks when I’m behind the wheel, acutely aware of the frustration of those behind me, eager to overtake and push me to speed up," I confessed. "It’s overwhelming."

"You’re absolutely right. This is a serious issue," my sister replied with insight. "You should address it now or consider stopping driving altogether. This won't end well if you don’t."

Her wisdom is undeniable; she’s always been a remarkable person, far more accomplished than I. Describing the constant stress I felt from drivers behind me—their impatience and frustration—was essential to understanding my situation.

Now, I no longer drive. Health issues, medication, and a cardiac arrest have taken away my freedom behind the wheel. However, the anxiety of feeling pressured by others hasn’t disappeared.

As a pedestrian, I still sense that pressure. I dislike having anyone behind me, even from a distance. My current pace, slowed by health challenges, only amplifies my discomfort. I can practically feel their impatience, and I often go out of my way to avoid those situations.

In my past, I was driven—focused on promotions and climbing the corporate ladder. I excelled, reaching impressive heights. Yet, none of it brought me fulfillment.

Despite seeking advice and pursuing courses aimed at career advancement, I found it all meaningless. I often questioned why some aggressive driver was tailgating me on the highway, eager to reach a destination that seemed irrelevant.

This is the essence of depression at its most challenging. I’m forced along a path at a pace dictated by external pressures, even when my inner self resists entirely.

I share my experience in hopes that others may recognize similar feelings within themselves. You're not alone; the notion that everything is futile and absurd is not uncommon. Let's pause and reflect on these thoughts—what do they reveal about us?

Do we wish to be driven by others? Or do we yearn to learn how to navigate our own path?

Mike Hickman, a multifaceted individual, has worn many hats throughout his career—as a teacher, fundraiser, doctoral student, and writer. In these tumultuous times, he encourages you to read this piece:

Returning From the Dead to Take in the Post | by Mike Hickman | Know Thyself, Heal Thyself | Apr, 2024 | Medium

Chapter 2: Understanding the Pressure