From Youth Leader to Proud Transgender Advocate: My Journey
Written on
Chapter 1: The Role of a Youth Leader
I once held the position of a youth leader within a Christian community, where I was responsible for guiding children in ways that ultimately suppressed their true selves. My weekends were filled with organizing events, managing prayer gatherings, and acting as an untrained counselor for teens aged 13 to 18. I even held a position on the parish council and participated in the Church's youth band.
Growing up in a devoutly religious setting, I found myself secretly embracing my identity as I reached my late teens. I would don stockings in private, develop crushes on punk boys at the skatepark, and interact online with various feminine pseudonyms. Yet, this was a concealed existence, hidden from my peers and the community.
In the eyes of others, I conformed to the image of a devoted Catholic, attending church with my girlfriend and participating fully in community life.
Section 1.1: The Culture of Shame
In this youth group, discussions about identity and sexual education were marked by discomfort. Amidst fun activities like laser tag and pizza nights, the underlying message was clear: being gay was sinful, being transgender was a mental illness, and sexual autonomy was non-existent.
During one memorable talk, a Franciscan Friar addressed the group on the topic of “Adulthood,” which inevitably spiraled into discussions about sex. He infamously stated, “If you’ve ever looked at yourself in the shower, you might have discovered that humans have certain parts that God meant to fit together…”
I had to step out to stifle my laughter, yet beneath the humor lay a grim reality. The youth were being indoctrinated with rigid views of sexuality and identity, reinforcing the belief that gender roles were divinely ordained.
Section 1.2: Moments of Reflection
Despite the oppressive atmosphere, I cherish certain memories from that time. I recall an 18-year-old girl confiding in me about her guilt after having sex with her boyfriend, expressing distress over not using protection. I took the opportunity to discuss consent and safety, and against what was expected of a youth leader, I discreetly provided her with condoms.
I felt a conflict brewing within me, realizing I was straying from the narrow teachings I was supposed to uphold.
Chapter 2: A Turning Point
One pivotal moment occurred near the end of my tenure as a youth leader when a fellow leader came out as gay and decided to leave. His honesty struck me deeply, prompting me to reevaluate my own identity. Although I didn’t come out fully at that time, I began to acknowledge my bisexuality and distanced myself from the group.
This was a crucial moment for me, a necessary step toward embracing my true self. However, I sometimes reflect on whether I abandoned those teens who needed guidance and support.
Years later, I fully came out as transgender after leaving the Church. The memories of those I interacted with still linger in my mind, and I often wonder about the impact of my role on their lives. Despite my good intentions, I was still upholding harmful ideologies.
Section 2.1: A Commitment to Change
While I have few regrets in life, my experience as a youth leader weighs heavily on my conscience. I can't help but ponder how much distress I could have alleviated for those teens seeking understanding and acceptance.
This drives me to be a visible role model for queer and transgender youth, showing them that living authentically is possible.
I harbor no resentment toward the Church; there are many good-hearted individuals within it. Positive strides are being made, such as recognizing transgender individuals in various roles. Nevertheless, my relationship with the institution remains complex.
I refuse to conceal any part of my identity or propagate shame. We are inherently who we are, and no doctrine can alter that truth. I am grateful for my current understanding and hope to share it with others.
